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The Fool On The Hill
Hi Dad!
The LSAT sucks. That’s immature, I know. It’s actually really fun when I do really well on a practice exam. I feel super smart and capable and competent. When I do well, I think that Elle Woods would be proud of a fellow blonde conquering this test that has for some reason been deemed an effective way of determining who will be a good lawyer. I know that ultimately, it’s just a meaningless number that won’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things.
Actually, isn’t everything meaningless in one way or the other? I think we determine what has and does not have meaning as we navigate through the mess day after day. That sounds a lot more pessimistic than I intend it to sound; let me try and rephrase. I think about that whole phenomenon of your life flashing before your eyes right before you die. I don’t have any idea whatsoever what happens after that moment and the thought of it is a little too overwhelming to conceptualize. However, the moment before is captivating. I adore the idea of seeing an amalgamation of images and videos like one of the slideshows they play at birthday parties or weddings of all different moments in my life.
This probably sounds insane, but this future pre-death slideshow actually seems really comforting in a lot of ways. I’ll explain: I think there is something super reassuring about thinking about a future slideshow of life having absolutely nothing to do with stressful exams or LSAT practice tests or rapid COVID tests. I am confident that my montage will instead be full of chocolate twizzlers on the couch binging Gilmore Girls with mom and our family winning Name that Tune during our winter week at Woodloch Pines. I hope that when I have to have some sort of retrospective clarity on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness, I have made it my mission to place meaning on numbers of karmically-planned kisses and glasses of wine and not on numbers on a scale, GPA, or Instagram post.
It’s because of you that I have had the privilege of worrying about silly things. From the day I was born, I have had the opportunity to focus on the playground swings; I’ve swung up and down, pigtails occasionally whipping me in the face. Even now, I am incredibly thankful to have the roof over my head, food on the table, and anything I could have ever hoped for from earrings to experiences. I think I don’t say enough – although, I’m not sure there ever could be enough – how grateful I am for you and for the life you and mom have provided. I recognize, especially as I continue to get older, the privilege ingrained in every ounce of my being.
However, when it comes to that arguably morbid montage, I know that it won’t be designer belts that stand out. With what I hope will be many years of memories ahead of me, it is hard to say what will be in that future video. Having said that, I can say with absolute certainty that driving in the car with you blasting Beatles albums from start to finish will be many of those future highlighted moments.
Going to take another practice test. Talk soon!
Jess